Big Brothers Big Sisters

As many of you know, I volunteered to be a "Big Brother" (http://www.bbbs.org) several months ago. When I met with the match coordinator and informed her about my expertise and experience working with delinquent and at-risk youth, I told her that I would be interested in taking on a young man who was at-risk. Well, to put it mildly, they acquiesced. He was on the waiting list for a match for over 3 years. He is on probation for molesting his step brother. He is taking medication for ADD. He has anger issues. His father is gone. His step father is mostly gone.

Don't get me wrong, my Little Brother is a great kid, and I really enjoy hanging out with him. He is into skating and music and the usual teenage stuff. He also likes outdoor activities (hunting, fishing, etc.), which is another good reason to be matched up with him. We have gone fishing several times and we both have a great time. Whenever we are together, he seems like any other kid and I really enjoy our adventures. I get a little different perspective when I review his MySpace page. He smokes, he drinks, he swears, he parties. Let’s be clear, all of you know that Pap and I have spent hours and hours on MySpace exploring the ways teens use and misuse the site. And to be honest, his blatant representation of deviant behaviors didn’t really concern me that much – I mean, I was disappointed to see that he was into that kind of stuff, but I was not at all surprised. It is mostly age appropriate behavior. The thing that really ticked me off this morning when I was reviewing his profile were the numerous pictures of him partying with his Uncle. What kind of Uncle buys booze and smokes (and most likely drugs as well) for his teenage nephew and parties with him and his friends? The sleazy bastard type if you ask me.

My Uncle slipped me some wine at a wedding reception when I was 15 or 16, but it wasn’t enough to get me tipsy and he did it discretely so as to convey to me that it wasn’t appropriate, but that he was cool. My Little Brother’s uncle is not only condoning the behavior but in many ways encouraging it. No wonder this kid is having a tough time negotiating adolescence. My research and practical experience suggests this is a common predictor of problematic adolescent behavior: inappropriate adult role models (usually family members). When I worked with delinquent youth almost 10 years ago I found myself regularly thinking “if only I could take this young man to my home to show him what a functional family looks like…” I realized quickly that I couldn’t take them home. I couldn’t rescue them from their toxic environment. But I could be a positive person in their lives.

The same is true for my Little Brother. All I can do is model positive behaviors and introduce him to prosocial alternatives to partying. We’re going duck hunting on Saturday. What better place is there to bond with a young man than in a duck blind?