Friday CJ Funnies: Razzle Dazzle 'Em

I was thinking the other day about how long it's been since I've seen a stage production. Given my love of musical theatre, this is most distressing to me. So, I decided that this Friday CJ Funny would come courtesy of the Great White Way.

Originally I wanted to post ""The Crime of the Century" from Ragtime, a terrific menage-a-trois-and-murder-themed song from one of my all-time favorite musicals. ("Oh! Oh!/Harry's a jealous man/Bang! Bang!/That was the end of Stan!") Alas, I could not find a video of the Broadway cast performing this number, though I did find this clip of a summer theatre group performing it so you can at least hear the song.*

Instead, I decided to post a different (but equally great) menage-a-trois-and-murder-themed song from another one of my favorite shows: ""We Both Reached for the Gun" from Chicago. A synopsis for those who (gasp!) are unfamiliar with the plot:

Chorus girl Roxie Hart (Renee Zellweger, here in the 2002 movie version) has murdered her lover and hired slick, handsome defense attorney Billy Flynn (Richard Gere) to represent her. At a press conference, Billy spins an alternate (and false) version of the murder in which Roxie acted in self-defense (because, you know, she and her ex "both reached for the gun"). This number is staged as a ventriloquist act in which Billy supplies the words coming from the mouth of his "dummy," Roxie. Naturally, the gullible press corps -- powerless before Billy's substantial charm -- gleefully laps up his story.

So please enjoy the clip, but be warned: you'll be singing this song for the rest of the day. Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes, oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes, you will!

*To get a taste of just how amazing Ragtime is, watch the Broadway cast perform the show's opening number at the 1998 Tony Awards (at which it won Best Original Score) here.

Friday CJ Funnies: "I Know Him!!!" Edition

Some of you may be familiar with the Comedy Central stand-up show "Live at Gotham":

Live at Gotham features the country's hottest comedians doing fresh stand-up at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City. Each week, a new host introduces six up-and-coming comics for an hour of original comedy from the greatest city on the planet. Headliners this season include Jim Norton, Daniel Tosh, DL Hughley and others. Watch what happens when a group of the eagerest, most emerging stars of comedy get their first break in the business.

Myself, I had never heard of this program until yesterday, when my sister informed me that a guy we used to work with back in the day, Vince Averill, is one of the "emerging stars of comedy" set to appear on tonight's episode! Holy Cow!

For today's Friday CJ Funny, please enjoy this clip from Vince's routine called "Crackhead Logic". If you like what you see, tune in to Comedy Central tonight at 10 pm to see him perform live!

Friday CJ Funnies: NSFW Edition!

I've been feeling surly lately. Maybe it's the crappy weather we've been having that foiled our plans to go up north this weekend. Or maybe it's the shamelessly racist and sexist coverage of Michelle Obama (a.k.a. Barack's "Baby Mama" a.k.a. the "Angry Black Woman") over on Fox News that's got me so grumpy. Or maybe it's pent-up angst over the decision to move the upcoming season of Project Runway from NY to LA. Who knows? Whatever the cause, no fluffy piece of CJ humor was going to tickle my funny bone today. Not even the wicked wit of my beloved Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert could satisfy me. Instead, I craved comedy that's as surly as I feel, and only one person can provide it: Chris Rock.*

Below is a link to one of my favorite bits from the Chris Rock Show: "How not to get your ass kicked by the police". Be warned: it is entirely NSFW, which is why I linked to the video instead of embedding it. It contains strong language (multiple f-bombs!), simulated beatings, and drug references...but it's also viciously funny in typical Rock fashion.

Watch the clip on YouTube here.

*Of course, Dave Chappelle offers equally surly comedy. Perhaps next week's Friday CJ Funny post will be courtesy of Mr. Chappelle...

Friday CJ Funnies: Gitmo's World

This video from the June 10th episode of the Daily Show had me laughing so hard I was crying. Turns out even the war on terror is hysterical when it involves subversive muppets. Folks who have (or who spend time with) Elmo-obsessed young children should particularly enjoy this clip...

Friday CJ Funnies: The Path to Delinquency Has Begun!

The other night the girls were sitting at the dining room table while I was making dinner. Maya was in her booster seat drooling happily, while Anna was kneeling on the dining room chair coloring a picture. Suddenly, Anna accidentally knocked a crayon off of the table, sending it flying to the ground where it promptly broke in half. Dismayed, Anna looked down at the broken crayon, sighed deeply, and exclaimed, "Oh, damn it!"

I was filled with a strange mixture of amusement, shock, and horror. Granted, as curses go, "damn it" is pretty benign -- a far cry from the F-dash-dash-dash word, to be sure. Still, even as I fought the powerful urge to laugh, my stomach clenched with shame -- I'm nearly certain that she heard it from me.

I'm sure that hearing your child's first swear word is something of a parenting rite of passage*, and I know that I'm certainly not the only parent whose kid has uttered a naughty word or phrase. (Hey, at least we weren't in public, right?) But that doesn't make me feel much better. After all, first step swearing -- next step delinquency!

*In the spirit of full disclosure, I actually remember my own first curse word. I was about 4 -- roughly as old as Anna is now -- and was searching for the perfect name to give the stuffed dog I had just received to go with my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. Every name I came up with lacked that certain je ne sais quoi I was searching for....and then, suddenly, the perfect name came to me: Raggedy Shit. (I swear I am not making this up.) I remember running into the laundry room where my mother was sorting clothes and announcing, "Mommy! I named my dog 'Raggedy Shit'!" Of course, she wore an expression probably identical to the one I wore the other night. Although I don't recall the ensuing conversation, I imagine it was a lot like the one I had with Anna....and I distinctly remember being forced to select a new name for my dog.

Friday CJ Funnies: Lawyer Joke

It's no secret that us GBOCers love a good, dumb joke....especially Patch. (All together now: "you know!") In that spirit, today's Friday CJ Funny comes from a website devoted entirely to compiling lawyer jokes:

Q: What is a criminal lawyer?
A: Redundant.

[insert groan here]

Friday CJ Funnies: Guttenberg Fans, Unite!

For today's Friday CJ Funny, allow me to share a clip from the pinnacle of police-centered comedies, Police Academy. Just try and tell me that your weekend is not looking a little brighter now that you've gotten a glimpse of The Gute in all his 80s glory!

Happy Passover!

Pesach Shalom, everyone!

I know that Passover does not start until tomorrow, but I needed an excuse to post the following video as a Friday [Completely Unrelated to] CJ Funny. For your viewing pleasure, here is a great old SNL sketch in which host Jerry Seinfeld shows up as a belligerent, rude Elijah the Prophet at a family's Passover seder. Enjoy!

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Friday CJ Funnies: Murder in Toyland

The other day I was out running errands for a few hours. I came home and walked downstairs into the basement, where I was greeted at the base of the stairs by scattered bits of red, hard plastic:


"Damn it," I thought to myself. "The dog chewed up one of the girls' toys while I was out." I examined the stray bits of plastic in an attempt to determine which toy the dog has destroyed, all the while praying silently that it was not a particularly beloved item. Puzzled, I considered the options: Lego? Farm animal? Dora accessory? Still unsure, I looked around the room for more evidence, when suddenly I made a gruesome discovery.

Friday CJ Funnies: Colbertian Justice

To help everyone celebrate TGIF and ease into the weekend, I thought I'd share this video of The Colbert Report's new segment about the criminal justice system: "Nailed 'Em". Enjoy, punks!



P.S. Welcome to our new contributor, Jaydee Toobee! (Say it out loud.) Looking forward to your first post!